Chubby Little palms holding a huge pair of scissors
She didn’t know how to express heart
through anything other than art.
As she grew taller
The paints were tossed in the corner
Thinner waist and higher score
She thought, is the way for her her to find the core
Lost herself in the midnight calignosity
A pack of wolves devoured her verociously
Left aflame, bashed
Rose a pheonix from ash
As a kid I never knew how to express my affection through anything other than art. But some how they ended up in the trash. Never left a mark, never gave myself a chance. I feared failure so much that I turned into one as I grew up. The time I invested trying to be social increased steadily. In this blurred period, I stopped growing as a person. I was so busy trying to fit in that I had amputed the most beautiful parts of me. During middle school, anxiety, depression, low self esteem and low confidence were my acquaintances. While struggling through it, the only thing that made me feel better was cooking. Patisserie sounded like a great option, it would utilise my creativity(Because just being creative doesn’t pays, isn’t it?) and I will be around delicious food, well, what else do I even need? But that wasn’t it. I realised I would be constricted in a room for hours and just something about it didn’t feel right. After passing out from high school, I couldn’t get away with tilting my head and smiling sheepishly when someone asking what did I want to do. I feared diving in the ocean and swimming across, emerging a new person, losing my old self. But then, I dived. I decided to utilise one academic year to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I enrolled my self into Advertisement classes and learned basic photography, did an internship at a travel agency and started volunteering for social causes, met a lot of people, participated in things which would push me out of my comfort zone, failed, rose. I have decided to take up applied arts. As a kid I had once told my parents firmly how I’ll get into an art school when I grow up. I already knew back then, I let externalities cloud my inner conscious. I still have my doubts and fears but they can’t control me any more, I can’t let them. I might fail but I tried. I know this decision won’t please my father and the competition out there is tough. I have a long way to go.
Allow yourself to guide you. Utilise opportunities, take risks. You need to fall in order to rise.
Saloni Maheshwari – attended YIC 2016 at RGIT in Mumbai