What Really Happens When You Are At Your Lowest?

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If you are a part of Human Circle and Young India Challenge, you know that our core is mostly around understanding passion, finding purpose and fuflfilling it by all means. The vibes of this organisation fills you with motivation and courage. Every person who is a part of this system has a story to share and is expanding this movement of #DoWhatYouLove in his/her own capacity. All the while we have heard stories of people, who have started their journeys, faced tough times and came out stronger and that just gives us so much hope that we are willing to take thousand fights for our goal. But what really happens when you are at your lowest?

I am at one such phase. Two years ago, I dropped out of CA and MBA to pursue my passion for Travel Journalism. It was all going smooth and as planned until I couldn’t get my second job despite having a confirmation email because of some administrative foul plays. I discovered this element after I had resigned from my first job and moved to my hometown for this one. I used all possible jacks to get this going but after a point I didn’t feel like rather I prayed that it doesn’t work out anymore so that I can get out of this place and find a better job. Finally, I gave up, not on my purpose but on this one particular job. The joblessness made me browse for a thousand options and rediscover my passion. It wasn’t travel journalism anymore. For most of the time I felt that’s because this one thing didn’t work out as I planned and probably that’s making me feel so but soon I asked myself this one question – “Why did I want to do Travel Journalism?”. The answer was disturbingly very shallow “Because it’s cool, I will be travelling, enjoying and earning”. Not that enjoying, earning and travelling aren’t sufficient reasons for someone to follow it but I couldn’t trace elements of personal growth or impact I’d be making in this thought.

As a traveller, I had come across various social, economic and environmental issues faced by communities at large and honestly, I did have a plan to work somewhere in those lines but that was 10-15 years from now and also very unsure because I was holding myself saying that I was meant to travel, write stories, and not really do social work, etc. But this void gave me a reason to explore these options now and it hasn’t been bad at all. I discovered almost 100 new organisations, connected with over 50 people and gave myself a chance to explore something new.

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I had been scared to deviate from my path this time because I had already done that once and my family didn’t react well. Even today, I have to explain them that I don’t want to MBA or UPSC. But I understood this fine difference between being passionate and being stubborn. Let your thoughts flow, don’t block an idea because you had been determent about one thing. Probably, the second, the third, or the fifteenth idea is worth giving a shot! In my case, what could I do other than sit and explore. No, I didn’t choose to travel because I had invested all my savings and I have always seen my journeys as a reward to me, which I will only take when I’m earning next or do something worthy.

It’s been 3 months that I haven’t found a job. I rejected some, some rejected me. I signed up for a couple of courses to give myself an understanding of sustainable development, climate change and public policy (my new interests!). Interestingly, I am learning French (although I was planned to learn Spanish or Urdu, but I am letting life happen) because sitting at home was making me sick. With time, I am sure I will come across new opportunities and if they deduce to some reasoning, I will incorporate them too but since I am growing, another thing which is crucial is finance. Not that it’s my first priority but definitely the second. Why it shouldn’t be? Is money bad? No. You have got to pay your bills, travel the world, invest, grow, live a lavish life and wishing for all of this is not a sin, so accept that you want money and have a vision for yourself where you are abundant and content.

It’s too early for me to say what I see myself doing in a year or two because I am considering so many options! But never ever underestimate hard work and vision. I am going with the flow not because I gave up because I am rediscovering myself and this is important too. And when you find where your heart is, please do everything in your capacity to dig deeper and understand its intricacies.

Let me tell you this phase hasn’t been easy for me. I had been in depression, I would cry most of the time because days would just pass by and nothing was materialising, had fights with family, dearest of friends. At one point of time all my balancing pillars (career, family, emotional) were disturbed and I almost had an anxiety attack because I felt so worthless and unwanted. My friends have been my true support system all this while. A person like me needs to listen from others that it’s all okay, though, this period has also empowered me to be my own self sufficient support system so that I don’t rely on my friends when things go down the rail but nonetheless, I am more than grateful to have them and all these really close friendships I have earned in Human Circle. So if you think that this place only helps you grow professionally, then you’re wrong. It gives you relations for lifetime and the vibes itself will fill you with so much of happiness, love and motivation that you cannot even think of giving up.

Now that I am talking about it, I would like to mention these special friends and thank them for being there for me all throughout – Madhav Sharma, Bhavya Arora, Saksham Gupta and Sakshi Tyagi. Thank you so much and I love you all.

 

Author – Ishani Palandurkar

Traveller. Travel Writer. Poet. – http://www.banjaraman.com

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